Connection, Communication & Community - 3 C's to Raising Teens

Understandably, I’m getting a lot of parents reaching out about concerns for their kids on Social Media at the moment (well, for a while actually).

It made me think that, amongst all the fear… it would be good to be reminded us of what actually helps!

So, as a therapist, a parent of teens, and someone who works with families every week… here are some thoughts.

The main thing is - you don’t need to be perfect. But you do need to be present!

So, introducing my three C’s for raising teens: Connection, Communication & Community

Connect before correct:
Your teen is scrolling at midnight. They’re distant. Moody. Maybe even rude.
Your instinct? To lecture. To snap. To control. We’ve all done it. I know I certainly have.

But connection always wins over correction. Take a deep breath and show up with curiosity, not criticism.

Ask questions like:
“What’s been feeling heavy lately?”
“Who do are your crew right now? How are they going for you?”
“What’s news?”

They may grunt in reply. That’s okay. Stay in it. It’s not about one perfect conversation, it’s about building the bridge they can walk across later. And when they do – you need to drop EVERYTHING and tune in (see below).

Communication that listens first:
We often ask teens to open up… and then, when they FINALLY do, we jump in to fix or explain. What they need is for us to listen to understand, not listen to respond.

Try this:
Validate before you advise.
Mirror what you hear before asking if it is OK to add your view.
Leave some silence... it invites depth (for them to explore).

Mostly, just saying “that sounds really tough” is more powerful than a TED Talk on resilience, as it builds connection.

Community makes the difference:
Teens need adults and they need peers. But most importantly, they need to feel part of something. Belonging is the antidote to the isolation that’s driving so many of the struggles we’re seeing. Be it sport, music, politics, creative arts… or just being part of you local street community – neighbours, dog walking, etc.

Help them find their people (but reminder that YOU are ALWAYS there people).

We can’t shield our teens from the world. But we can help them face it with grounded support, honest conversations, and a deep sense of connection.

Hope this helps a bit.

hashtag#ConnectionBeforeCorrection hashtag#ParentingTeens hashtag#MentalHealthMatters hashtag#TherapistThoughts hashtag#RealConnection hashtag#Training