'Reacting to what we think our partner is thinking'… Lessons from a relationship therapist

Most of my work still revolves around relationships. Sometimes that’s with couples in the room. Sometimes it’s with individuals trying to better understand themselves..... and the patterns they bring into relationships.

One night last year, while watching our boys train in the freezing cold, my son’s footy coach, a mountain of a man, turned to me and asked gently: “What’s the number one thing that goes wrong in relationships?”

After a pause… I had my answer. And I’ve been using it with clients ever since.

'It’s when we react to what we think our partner is thinking.'

This is huge guys...

That imagined internal monologue they might be having.
That tone we’ve possibly interpreted.
That meaning we’ve maybe made up.

It’s a pattern that plays out quietly and powerfully.... because it stops us from being real.

We protect ourselves with stories instead of opening the door to what’s actually going on.

We react, instead of CONNECT.

And this insight doesn’t just live in the therapy room.... In the workplace - in teams, in leadership, in management.... it’s the same. We need to train ourselves not just to communicate better, but to connect better.

Because most of us haven’t been trained to do that. We don't get taught this stuff!

We’ve been trained to protect, perform, and power through.

But connection? Vulnerability? Emotional attunement?

That’s where the real work (and real growth) is.

Reach out if you want to know more...